on gap years.

I look back on two posts ago and realize two things:

  • I am terrible at maintaining a blog with any sort of regularity.
  • It’s possible that I am either very good at lying or being toxically positive. Or, honestly, both.

Just yesterday, kind of suddenly, the weight of this year really hit me in a hugely emotional way, so reflecting upon it has been top of mind.

2023 was a year of new experiences, unprecedented growth, traveling, and self-discovery. Some cool things really did happen!! I met my twin, after all! And, even though our “new” dog, Opal (for Pete’s sake you guys it’s been almost a year 😭😭) is a foul beastie who was sent from the depths of hell by Satan Himself, she is one of the greats.

It was also a year of loneliness, loss, disappointment, and feeling extremely adrift without a whole lot of structure, guidance, or affirmation.

More than enough unpleasant interactions that were far too memorable for my liking were had.

Seeds of self-doubt were sown, and sprouted.

My confidence was ground into a very fine powder.

I was sapped of any and all joy.

It felt like there was poison coursing through my soul.

And unfortunately, it’s difficult to remember even the best parts of the year when you’re healing from the bad parts.

(Also if I ever find myself in an airport again it will be too damn soon!!)

But, thankfully, there is redemption, and hope, and quite honestly healing could not be taking place right now if not for some recent, major life changes — surely informed by the aforementioned self-discovery — and I’m very much looking forward to 2024, which has the potential to be the best post-COVID year so far.

Yes, I know this is all very cryptic, and that is intentional. I’m not necessarily ready to open up more publicly about certain goings-on from this year. Frankly I’m not in the right headspace to deliver specifics — and doing so may never be the right move anyway.

The important takeaway from this is that God is good as usual and life is infinitely better now than it was three months ago!

If you need the juice, reach out. But “if you know, you know,” or whatever the kids are saying.