fricking stress-induced hives

i was texting with a former colleague of mine who reached out, having heard that i was let go from my job last week.

the truth is, i’m not great right now. i’ve gotten about two hours of sleep every night since friday, i have fricking stress-induced hives (!!!), and i’ve lost four pounds.

it’s interesting because i just started a substack series yesterday about oddball leadership — how unexpected properties like sweetness, love, vulnerability, etc. can be important and effective characteristics to have as an executive leader.

and i stand by that philosophy, even though i am sitting here pining for the past and sobbing like a total idiot and eating ice cream straight out of the carton like i was unexpectedly dumped by the love of my life.

when you love your job, and you love the people you work with, it hurts like hell when you lose it all. especially when you least expect it and don’t get to say goodbye.

and then i think — maybe that’s why i should keep my walls up. that’s why i shouldn’t love my team members or foster their professional growth. that’s why i should set strict, rigid boundaries.

but after that i think — what’s the point of leading, then? a bigger paycheck? clout? an impressive title to include on your resume? to support your over-inflated ego?

not me, bro. in my opinion, it’s better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. these tears, this heartache, THESE FRICKING STRESS HIVES…indicate my team truly meant something to me.

though, it would have been nice if i wasn’t a dateless loser in high school. might have developed some coping skills with break-ups.

jeez louise, i am, like…so itchy.